РУСФОРУМ АВСТРАЛИЯ

A Somalian arrives in Australia as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........
'Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'
The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Afgani!'
The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia!'
The person says, 'I not Australian, I Iraqi!'
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Australia!'
That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Pakistan, I am not from Australia!'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an Australian?' She says, 'No, I am from India!'
Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Australians?'
The Indian lady checks her watch and says ....'Probably at work'

Australian political parties trying to form government?
*sorry, not a very nice picture

http://tasmantimes.com.au/uploads/pages ... ament.jpeg

An Ukrainian migrant to Australia wanted to become a cabbie so he had to go for an eye test for his drivers licence. He was shown a card with the text CWNSCZYZQOCTAZS. He looked at it with wide open eyes, looking very surprised. The examiner said impatiently; well? And the Ukrainer answered; I know that bloke...

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-___expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest ___expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

THE NEW AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM

Australians all let us rejoice
The weekend now is near
We've worked all bloody week for this
Dear God let's get a beer.
Our desks abound in paperwork
Our hands are stained with ink
In desperate stage, we'll fly the cage
Advance to Friday drinks!!
With joyful strains, destroy our brains
Advance to Friday drinks.

последнее смешно. А количество шопингующихся в дневное время действительно поражает.

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Давай мы по встречной пойдем полосе!

Aussies & IT:

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys..
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A bar snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks ? from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill..
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

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Спасение утопающих - дело рук самих утопающих.

I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night.
They were called "Bomb Jovi".
They were brilliant.
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD​
I was interested​,​ so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"
Well, that was when the trouble started

...They just don't have a sense of humour!

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Давай мы по встречной пойдем полосе!